Most people are shocked when I tell them I’m a Certified Feline Master Groomer

 Either they’re surprised at the idea that cats actually need grooming, or they are incredulous that someone would be bold and foolish enough to do it. That makes me a certifiable mini lion tamer.

 It’s true cat grooming ain’t for pussies. You must have a lionheart to be a good cat groomer. While being passionate about cats is a good starting point, you must be fearless, agile, inventive, and empathetic. And you can never, EVER trust a cat. The moment your guard is down, they will find a way to remind you that you are the inferior creature.

Don’t let this happen to you. Do not attempt to wash your cat in a shower stall.
Other important qualities that make a good mini lion tamer; a strong stomach, speed, and a perverse sense of humour. If you cannot laugh at being punctured and ripped to shreds again and again, (despite your superior training, handling, and equipment)  and bested time after time, you might as well lay down your gauntlets now. 

Other obvious important qualities for a cat groomer would be perseverance and adrenaline junkie. Yes, I admit I love the front seat on a roller coaster, and drive too fast on my motorcycle. 

 So why do it? Cat grooming, I mean.

 The first most obvious reason is they desperately need it. The sitcom “Friends” hit it dead-on with Phoebe Buffay‘s one hit wonder “SmellyCat” (what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it’s not your fault).

 We managed to drag ourselves out of the Dark Ages and started using soap. We’ve done the same for our dogs, why do we think cats have absolution from a bath? Please don’t tell me they groom themselves. They LICK themselves……all….over. And that is salvia (aka, spit), not soap or a comb. If I licked myself all over and sat on your furniture, would you hug me? Would I be invited back?

 BTW, one the most common reasons for giving up cats is allergies. Guess what the primary source of allergens comes from? The salvia. Which they spread all over themselves by “self-grooming.” No, it is not the hair and dander that causes allergies, it’s just the medium through which the salvia is spread. 

Second most common reason? Fear of toxopasmosis. “I’m having a baby” Only transmitted through DRIED feces. You know, the crusty stuff that might be hanging around days or weeks later, and only a potential threat to those who are immune depressed. Solution? A simple sani-trim and a regular bath.

 Prevent a cat from going to the shelter. Bathe and groom it regularly. 

 So why did I became a cat groomer? I wanted to bring cats out of the Dark Ages, educate myself and people about cats, and give cats a better quality of life. Cats are narcissistic creatures and love feeling and looking good. I’m happy to acknowledge cats as the demigods they believe themselves to be.